Have it out…

“There is no point treating a depressed person as though she were just feeling sad, saying, ‘There now, hang on, you’ll get over it.’ Sadness is more or less like a head cold- with patience, it passes. Depression is like cancer.” Barbara Kingsolver, The Bean Trees

I sometimes wonder if I have some kind of minor form of bipolar. Hear me out.

All this week I was super happy. Stoked about vocal lessons, and just chillin’. Sure, I was tired and starting to feel super worn out, but hey, I burn the candle at both ends, right? I mean, I have 3 kids – two teens (15 and 13) AND I have a toddler (16 months and super tiny, so frikkin cute too).

It hit me today. I’m sitting here on the verge of crying my eyes out and I have NO idea why. I want to just curl up in a fetal position and hide under my covers for, well, forever right now.

I don’t know that it is depression because I have some pretty good days. Before anyone ask, yes – I am on medication for depression. I won’t hide it. I’m proud of how far I have come and how much stronger I am now than I was.

I know I have issues with food. Actually, I am pretty convince that I am addicted to food and that is partially what has triggered this. I allowed myself to have overly sweet breakfast product, followed by a breakfast for lunch with the kids, followed by late afternoon ice cream. I haven’t eaten supper. I don’t want to eat. I don’t want to do anything. Youngest is in bed, older two are off having sleepovers. I just don’t want to do anything. Even writing this is taking an enormous amount of effort. I have wine. I guess that’s ok.

I used to love gaming, maybe I should do that, but I literally do not want to do anything (not figuratively, I know the difference). If I could sit and just stare off into oblivion I would be ok with that right now.

I normally post music. I love music. I can’t think of a single song that would match my mood right now or fit with this post.

I’m sorry for being so negative.

Life has a way of sucking the life force out of you sometimes.

Life sometimes just sucks.

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About NB Gwen

I'm me, I work, I play, I'm a bit unique - but I guess that's all in perspective
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