Tired

“there is a loneliness in this world so great
that you can see it in the slow movement of
the hands of a clock.

people so tired
mutilated
either by love or no love.

people just are not good to each other
one on one.

the rich are not good to the rich
the poor are not good to the poor.

we are afraid.

our educational system tells us
that we can all be
big-ass winners.

it hasn’t told us
about the gutters
or the suicides.

or the terror of one person
aching in one place
alone

untouched
unspoken to

watering a plant.”
Charles Bukowski, Love Is a Dog from Hell

Fitting poem for today. I think I now understand why my doctor wanted me off work longer. I am tired as fuck.

My new anxiety/depression medication is working great. My new sleep medication…yeah…it leaves a little to be desired.

Oh, MS – you FUCKING SUCK.

I had my chiropractor suggest a clinic an hour away that treats hormonal issues. She mentioned that many of my symptoms could be caused by a hormone imbalance. Unfortunately, I have used so much time already for orthodontic work, eye care, dental care, doctors, physiotherapist…one over an hour away will have to wait until next year I fear.

I’m not one to swear a lot in my writing, but today is a swear worthy day. I feel like a train wreck happening in slow motion. You know that the train is going to derail, but you try to think of a way to stop because you think you have time, but time is part of the illusion and delusion.

Exhaustion headaches, numbness in my scalp, brain fog, numbness…oh wait, I already said that.

Bright side – it’s almost the weekend and I can have a bit of rest as it is a long weekend. I have an old friend coming over for a barbecue this evening, and hope to be asleep before 9 tonight…hope. I always have hope. Maybe that’s part of the delusion.

I’m tired as fuck with no end in sight.

Well…maybe I can knit or colour tonight too…that’s a silver lining for me…or game. Sidebar – the new WoW expansion (Legion) is freaking awesome.

The Tragically Hip – Tired As Fuck

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About NB Gwen

I'm me, I work, I play, I'm a bit unique - but I guess that's all in perspective
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