I’m not alone

I’m laying beside my sleeping 15 month old. He’s been sick the last week and a half like I have been. He’s so tiny. When he gets sick, I worry that his little body won’t be able to handle the strain. But he always does.

I’m never alone when I’m home. Not really. One of my three children is always nearby. My youngest has the room beside us (though often lands in bed with us). The oldest (she’s 15) tries to act callous but the moment it’s time for bed she is by my side for hugs and goodnights.  My oldest son (he’s 13) is more distant. I wish he wasn’t but he also has some issues that cause him to feel that way. He is adopted but everyone says how much he and his baby brother look alike. You would never know he wasn’t born of me…and I make sure he fully understands that I am mom.

I don’t know why I feel the need to explain all that. My kids are my life. I do endeavor to have something to do for just my husband and I but in the end we are intricately entwined in our lives.

I’m never alone when my babies are nearby. I always feel them near.

As I lay beside my youngest, he sleeping so peacefully, I feel a bit more whole than I did before and I know I will never be alone.

Forcing Myself Awake

I have to go get my son at 8:30 from his play night. I could crawl into bed right now…I am completely drained. I carried a lot of stress with me today, and I didn’t realize it until after the pediatrician appointment for my youngest.

My youngest is 15 months and looks like he is about 9 months. He’s almost 16 lbs; 7.22 kg or 15.9 lbs to be exact. He’s gained believe it or not. He’s grown too – he went from 26.9 inches last month to 28.7 inches today. Yes, we celebrated. His last remaining test came back negative (our pediatrician is awesome and wanted to play it safe and rule out a bunch of bad stuff). He’s still below the 3rd percentile (not a typo) BUT he’s growing, he’s super freaking happy, he’s just as sweet as came be and he is HEALTHY.

I worry. Who wouldn’t? Mostly I worry that people who don’t know us will think we’re starving him. The opposite is true – we try to feed him everything and bulk up what he does eat with butter and pure maple syrup and formula and pediasure…and…and…you get the idea. My little baby is super fussy and we’ve tried and tried to get him to eat a variety of foods (fruits, veggies – you name it, we’ve no doubt tried it multiple times). My two teens were not fussy, ever (not while they were this age anyway). This is a whole new experience for me.

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Seriously – LOOK AT HIM! He is so freaking cute! AND HAPPY and momma can chill out now.

*sigh* Now to work on that pesky weight issue…and positive thinking…and getting active…and to stop the wheeze in my chest. Oh right, I still need to stay awake long enough to get my older son.

It’s too late for coffee. The struggle is real. I don’t know if I can make it…hubby may have to after all.

I shared one of these before: Yellow Brick Cinema – 8 Hour Delta Waves Sleep Music: Relaxing Music, Sleeping Music, Meditation Music, Relaxation ☯964

It’s Really Nice Outside…

…and I can hardly keep my eyes open. Blarg. Baby napping with his daddy, I slept in and couldn’t sleep, but feel like I’ve been hit by a 2×4. Face is puffy. Ah, allergies, you’re so much fun! I feel like I could sleep for a month, but can’t. What?! How is that even possible?

I would LOVE to go outside and clean up the yard. OR better yet, open up all the windows and clean house. That’s an even better plan. That takes energy. Dang it! What is this energy thing you speak of?

No call about my MRI yet. I wonder if this fatigue is related to MS. I mean, I know MS can cause extreme fatigue, but is it? Who knows.

Coffee isn’t helping either…I just feel more tired. That’s weird, right?

Maybe feeling inspired will help?

“It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.” – Aristotle Onassis (source http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/a/aristotleo119068.html?src=t_inspirational).

So true. If I focus hard enough I can see it. I have a great support network – family, friends. I can see that light at the end of this tunnel.

Owl City – Fireflies:

Babies, Dogs, and the Incredible Likeness of Being

I really want to curl up in bed and snuggle with my baby boy. He’s a tiny 15 month old and he was super snuggle and sookie when I dropped him off to the babysitter this morning. I’m in a snuggly sookie mood too. It’s dark and dreary outside and a day in bed sounds divine.

When I took my dogs out this morning, it was obvious Spring has finally started to arrive. Snow melting everywhere…dog shit showing up everywhere…ah yes, the signs of Spring. My dogs love it. I have three of the poop makers. All mutts; a husky shepherd cross, a Rottweiler shepherd cross, and a Pomeranian poodle cross. The larger two are from our local SPCAs, the smaller one was bought from a former babysitter, he was the last of his litter and my kids were attached to him (I don’t normally buy my dogs from anyone, preferring shelter mutts over purebreds/hybrids). I love my dogs, but can honestly say I will never have three at once again.

I actually have three dogs, three cats and three kids – yes, my house is busy, yes it is always full of hair, yes they take a lot of work, and no I will never part with my pets until the die of natural causes. I firmly believe pets are for life. There are definitely times when pets do need to be rehomed, but I believe those issues are few and far between.

I’m digressing. If you read my blog, you’ll notice I do that…a lot.

Onto the third part of that title – the incredible likeness of being. That’s how I feel this week. I’ve been looking over some work I have done in the last couple of months and am finding several errors. I’m a perfectionist and this is not acceptable to me. I know I’m new to this job. I love it here. But it’s sloppy work and I should have been triple checking. It makes me feel like I am here, but my mind isn’t. Hence the likeness of being.

Time to buck up and move on.

The Viking Kittens (don’t ask, I just love this thing)/Led Zeppeling – The Immigrant Song: