Anxiety strikes again…

“Worrying is carrying tomorrow’s load with today’s strength- carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” Corrie ten Boom

I wish I could flick a switch and turn off my anxiety. Life would be so much simpler if I could. I wish I could shut out the voices that bring me to panic. I wish I could shut out the fears, the worse-case-scenarios, the dread, nightmares. I wish I could shut it all out.

My life should be relatively carefree.

Twisting around and around the willow tree
dancing round and round
an eddy of thoughts
whirling, swirling
down down down
into the depths
deeper deeper deeper
creeping in on the sun
drowning out the light
suspending all in its depths

The Police – Every Breath You Take


So I just watched the Animals video by Maroon 5. As someone who has experienced a mild form of stalking – wow…freaky. I was going to write about something completely different, until I watched it.

Maroon 5 – Animals

“There’s a fine line between support and stalking and let’s all stay on the right side of that.” Joss Whedon

Yes, Joss, there definitely is. When I was in university a friend of mine decided that leaving notes in my car was a great idea. I had NO idea who was doing it. They even talked about how they felt about me, and gave me hints. Problem is that this friend knew more about me than I did about him…the hints were lost to me. I went to university in one city, but worked in a town over at a nightclub. One night after work, there was another note. No one in sight.

I can honestly say I was scared. A mutual friend of this friend knew him better than I did. With her help we figured out who he was. The letters stopped thereafter. Moral of the story –  DON’T BE A DICK STALKER!

Seriously…that should not have to be said.

In case you haven’t guessed, yes I am in a far better mood today. No pity part. I am still in pain from my fall last week. But I have a better general outlook. Mental health. Don’t take it for granted. If you’ve never experienced mental health issues – count yourself very blessed. I count myself lucky…even with the issues I have.

Here’s the goals for the next month:

– do up the meal plans I have been talking about for months FINALLY – more vegetables, more fruit, more fish, less processed crap

– walk a minimum of 10 minutes every day

– walk the dogs a minimum of 3 times a week (I have two 80 lbs dogs {both SPCA specials; a husky shepherd mix and a Rottweiler shepherd mix – we think} and 1 10 lbs cat-dog {a Pomeranian poodle cross}).

– early to bed, early to rise! Get up 1/2 an hour earlier than normal to do YOGA!

I think those are decent goals for the month. Let’s see how I actually do…

What Dreams may come…

“Yes: I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.” Oscar Wilde, The Critic as Artist (Source: Goodreads).

I had a very bizarre dream last night.

First a bit of background. I have been sick a LOT in the last few months. I started decluttering our library/computer room just before getting super sick. I now have a pile of stuff to sort through in my kitchen and a smaller pile in the library/computer room. No one else can apparently do this chore save I. It has been weighing on me and now my in-laws are due to visit THIS weekend.

Back to the dream.

North Korea was invading. No one actually said it was North Korea, I just knew (weird). I was in a huge panic to move ALL our stuff in the house to my parents house because we were being evacuated and had about 48 hours to get out before we were in danger. We had so much stuff…I kept saying “how will we get it ALL OUT!”; ” We don’t have enough BOXES OR BAGS!”; “The china will BREAK!” – note: I own no china. From the pattern, it was my mother’s china. Actually, a lot of the furniture was my parents – their hutch, dinning room set, etc. Again – so bizarre.

Hubby took the kids to my parents place, and when he came back I was in full blown panic asking, “Where are the kids? Aren’t they going to help!”. He says, “You told me to take them to your parents house.” Oh, right. Then somehow we ended up in a house that we were buying – I’ve seen this house before, in a DIFFERENT dream. There is obvious something about it.

The house is old, turn of the 1900s Victorian type. It has a turret, many staircases, a creepy basement, open & airy rooms, etc. In my last dream about it the floors were rotting and we were almost falling through. In this dream, it looked like it had been renovated – all cleaned up, no more rotting floors and the sun was shining (the last dream was dark).

Then I woke up. So bizarre.

Needless to say, my night was LONG (the dream felt like it took ALL night). I’m now feeling completely exhausted. I saw the dawn before all others.

Today, I have to finish the painting I am doing for my mother (a woodland cottage type scene), and CLEAN. I really don’t want any more dreams like that.

Imagine Dragons – Dream