End of the World

In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.

– Robert Frost

Well then…it’s been a few months since I’ve posted and I can’t say they’ve been grand.

Covid has me working from home and I love it. I had no idea that working remotely would have me being more productive. It hasn’t been without it’s challenges.

Financially, I’ve heard of people saving money due to being home…all I have to say is they must not have teens!

We lost our bearded dragon, Charlie, in the Spring due to heart failure

My baby Chalie 💔

We adopted a new pup, Dahlia! She’s almost 15 weeks and is 25 lbs already.

Pretty baby girl ❤

In April, we found out Bishop had lung cancer and his liver was herniating into his esophagus. Notice the past tense…my heart broke last week when we had to take him for his last drive and visit to the vet. I can’t talk about it yet. I miss my boy so much. He was my copilot on drives, my snuggle buddy.

Bishop’s smile

Basically, my depression has been shit, my anxiety worse and my life a go-to. But! I have a home. I have happiness. I have family. I have food in my belly. I have gratitude ❤

It’s not the end of the world, even though it feels like it is sometimes.

Great Big Sea – End of the World

Carry On…

“Never stop just because you feel defeated. The journey to the other side is attainable only after great suffering.” ― Santosh Kalwar, Quote Me Everyday

I have an infection. A bad one. My pelvic lymph nodes are infected and the infection has spread. Needless to say I feel horrible…but I am NOT defeated.

I am so grateful for my changed eating habits. I think they are the only things keeping me going health wise right now. I eat a lot of fiber, drink a lot of water, eat a lot of vegetables, moderate portions, etc. If I was eating the way I was a few months ago I have no doubt I would be far worse off than I am right now.

There is always a silver lining to every dark cloud.

There is always a smile to wash away the stain the darkness.

There is always a shoulder to lean against when life’s burdens become too much.

I am grateful for my children, even when they drive me up the wall (I’m looking at you 17 year old child of mine who spams me on my phone).

I am so incredibly grateful for my youngest’s smile – he brightens up my mood in ways I can’t describe.

I am so grateful to my health providers, my nutritionist, my husband – they are the shoulder I lean on and I know I have been leaning a lot lately.

I am grateful I have some answers now as to why I have been feeling so run down. A light has finally appeared.

Kansas – Carry on my Wayward Son

Dream to life…

“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.”  – Pablo Picasso

YES! So much YES!

When I was a child I LOVED to create. I remember being very young – 5, maybe 6 years old – my mother sat with me and helped me to write a story. By help, I mean she wrote my words down and I drew the pictures. It was a story about a dragon. I don’t remember what the story was, but I remember my mother patiently taking the time to help me. I loved it. That was my mother’s way of showing love.

When I was a child, I believed. What do I mean by that? I believed in everything – my imagination was vivid to say the least and I prayed to one day see a unicorn. Seriously – I BELIEVED. Everything I did had to do with my fantasy world – unicorns, dragons, knights, and beautiful ladies. The only tarnish in this world was me. I never felt pretty enough, skinny enough, never good enough.

Somewhere along the way between then and now I lost that spark. Every now and then I see it. I painted my mother and mother-in-law paintings for mother’s day. I have been occasionally writing poetry again. My dreams are slowly blooming back to life.

Last night I decided to take a leap. Since I was young I have LOVED to sing. I’m not good at it, I know this. But I love to sing. My son decided to stop guitar lessons and I…well, I have decided to sign up for singing lessons! I’m so STOKED about it. I’m not rich by any stretch of the imagination. I should save that money for groceries or gas or bills, but for the first time in my life I am going to do something for ME that I LOVE. I can’t wait! I start next week. I go on my lunch hour.

I’m overjoyed at this opportunity. I am so grateful to my very supportive husband for agreeing with this crazy idea. I’m not doing it to sing in front of people, I’m doing it for ME. I don’t care if no one ever hears me. I will be happy knowing I finally am doing something I only dreamed about in my youth. I’m making it real.

Pharrell Williams – Happy