I’m an Adult Now

“Adults are just obsolete children and the hell with them.” ― Dr. Seuss

I always thought being an adult would be so much easier than it is. I think everyone does.

I remember reaching my 20s and thinking that I was so mature, yet knowing I was not ready for the world.

By the time I hit my 30s, I had two young children and was in a desperately unhappy marriage. My children where my focus and I thought I had it all under control.

By the time I hit my 40s, I’d been through a horrible divorce, chronic illness, new love, growing children, a new child at 40, mortgage payments, bills, bills bills…

I’m only 45 now. I’m still young. What have I learned about being and adult in this time? It’s hard as fuck. It can be rewarding as hell. It’s usually a rollercoaster of ups and downs, life and death, bliss and deep depression.

I’m an adult now. I think.

The Pursuit of Happiness – I’m an Adult Now

Knowing me, Knowing you

“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” Elbert Hubbard

“The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.” Socrates

Life is so funny. One minute you think you know something, you are so sure of it. The next – you are rethinking your universe.

I’ve had this happen to me several times over the years. Big life changes do that to a person.

As you grow up and age, you look to the future, you wonder, you think, you think you know everything, until you realize you know nothing.

At 16, I couldn’t wait to get my license. I knew it all.

At 19, I couldn’t wait to go to an actual bar (I have always looked young for my age and could never get in under aged) and finish university. I wanted to be an archaeologist and looked forward to that day. I yearned to know more.

At 25, I was getting married and looking forward to having children. The dream of archaeology put aside. I knew nothing and was told so.

At 26, I had my first child. My life became all about her. I wanted and looked forward to making life better for all of us.

At 28, I adopted my second child. My life became more complicated and full of love for my children. I questioned everything about who I was and the universe around me. I knew nothing and was told so.

At 33, I became a single mother due to the breakdown of my marriage. I became a hermit, living for my children and questioning every move I made. I knew that I knew some things, but I had so much to learn.

At 34, I met the man who would be my future husband and couldn’t wait to know him better. He lived several hours away, and I carried on as a single parent. My children are and were my universe, but I still questioned everything. My ex-husband and I would divorce a few years later, I still have lingering issues from that part of my life.

At 37, my love moved in with us and I no longer was a single parent. I questioned myself a little less, knowing he loved my kids like his own.

At 39, I found out I was going to have another child. He was our accidentally on purpose baby – we didn’t think I could get pregnant, but we wanted to try. I had been diagnosed with a mild form of MS, and have asthma. I tend to get sick a lot. But the doctor and neurologist both agreed that I would be ok and they were right. It was easier than my first pregnancy and I questioned less; I only looked forward to his arrival.

At 40, well, three days after my 40th birthday my youngest was born. I questioned my sanity, and my abilities. He was so worth it all. That summer my husband and I married. I knew that I knew nothing…I still know this. Faith, life, love – all of it, a huge chasm of knowledge waiting.

Now, I am almost 42. My youngest is almost 2. My eldest will be 16 soon, my middle child just turned 14. Life is hectic, crazy sometimes, loving and angry, anxious and scared, but most of all, I know that I know very little about them all – about my children, about life. As I enter this stage in my life, I have so much left to learn and look forward to.

ABBA – Knowing Me, Knowing You