Not sure…

“Dripping water hollows out stone, not through force but through persistence.” Ovid

What a great analogy to weight loss.

My mood has already started to get better. I’m still feeling burnt out, but I am far more positive than I was a week ago and I no longer feel on the verge of tears. This is good. I’m in a bit of a weird mood too…that’s good too.

I can’t wait to lose my first 10 lbs. Is that weird? I have a long way to go. I but on My Fitness Pal that my goal weight is 100 lbs (before anyone freaks, I’m only 5’1″ – barely). I would be happy if I could reach 130 – 120 lbs. BUT – and this is most important – I want to be healthier. The number on the scale will not matter if I don’t have pain reduction and increased energy. Those are my goals and the only way to do that is through healthy eating and increased exercise. I’m working on both of those.

I think my increased mood is also do to an awesome day yesterday. Both of my teens have ADHD, dyslexia, dysgraphia, and dyscalculia (for those unfamiliar with the terms – the last two are the writing and math versions of the learning disability). My teen son (13 years old) got an award yesterday for the most all around achievement and improvement out of ALL the grade 7s at his school!!! My daughter (15 years old) found out from her Science teacher that she passed – WOOT! AND my baby boy (almost 17 months) is FINALLY over 17 lbs! 17.1 lbs to be precise – this is huge as we have been struggling to get him to gain weight. He now gets to wait a whole month before having to be weighed again.

I can’t explain enough what a weight was lifted from my shoulders when I heard all of those things yesterday. Each one is huge for my kids individually. To be fair to my toddler – my hubby is only 5’7″, my parents are both short, my dad’s mom was only 4’10”. Needless to say I am pretty sure my toddler will not be a giant. I’m happy that the pediatrician and nutritionist have been monitoring him (he had a heart murmur and breathing issues at birth, but both have self-corrected), but it’s been very stressful.

Random thought of the day – I really want to dye my hair funky colours once I lose the weight. Also – some politicians really need to realize that not all their constituents are sheeple…not all agree with policy, in fact some believe that the church as zero space in the state’s business…that’s another story.

This song makes me smile whenever I hear it or watch the video –

Psy – Gangnam Style

A new adventure

“Live, travel, adventure, bless, and don’t be sorry.” Jack Kerouac (Source: Goodreads, of course)

I’m starting my own new adventure and I LOVE IT. I mentioned yesterday, or was it last week…hmmm…anyways – I mentioned previously that I had signed up for singing lessons. What a great decision! I went for the first time today. In my initial vocal practice I only achieved 2 octaves in range, not bad but I’m sure I could do better. My nerves got the better of me.

I have social anxiety. I suffer from panic attacks when having to speak publicly unless it’s in certain situations. For instance – I can speak to a group of children about animal welfare and in fact have on behalf of my local SPCA (where I have volunteered and still do off and on). I can read aloud to a group of children. I can address a group of adults during social gathering. I cannot handle public speaking in order to present something to a group of adults. I get a sort of tunnel vision and forget things and even though I appear calm and collected and project well, I am crumbling inside.

Needless to say, singing in front of a stranger is panic inducing. BUT I DID IT! I’m so proud of myself. Also – he had me watch myself in the mirror to see how closed I was and how I needed to open up (my mouth, that is). Having to look at myself in the mirror for longer than absolutely needed is unknown for me. I am loath to see myself.

Singing lesson are going to have many benefits for me…I foresee a break from my addiction to food (yes, I really do believe now that I am addicted to food – more on that later). Having to stare at myself singing, I was so self-conscious. So self-aware. If I am to practice that way than I am to lose weight. There is no other way.

It’s time for a break from food, bad food that is.

I also see it helping with my anxiety as I HAVE to get over my fear of singing in front of strangers. My children and husband hear me ALL the time, it’s time others do as well (in small numbers).

With losing weight and a lessening of anxiety, comes more self-esteem, decreased stress, and increased energy.

I am so hopeful for this new adventure.

The only ones who know now are a couple of close friends, my husband, and – well – anyone who actually reads this LOL….I’m thinking not many.

YAY to optimism!

Time for some music…I love this version of Tainted Love…it doesn’t fit in with this post, but I don’t care – it’s just random.

Marilyn Manson – Tainted Love