Happy and Torn


“If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.” E.B. White

I don’t know that I have ever read someone put so succinctly how I feel. I went to Goodreads looking for a quote on challenges and this was the first one to come up in the search.

I adopted two bearded dragons in June – Gonzo and Evee. I actually received them the day after I had to put my little Lucky Bear dog down. They distracted me and gave me what I needed to stay on track. They still do.

I’m not sure what their previous owners were like. I know that they were surrendered as they didn’t have the paperwork to take them back home with them to their country of origin. Gonzo and Evee had been housed together. That, for me, was the first sign of issues.

In the contents of their effects from their previous life was caloric supplement. This would be for Evee. Gonzo is 6, Evee is 5. Gonzo is 20 inches from the tip of his nose to the tip of his tail…Evee is 17 – malnourished, dehydrated when I received her.

The shelter was not accustomed to lizards, so they would not have known what was ‘normal’ and what was not. Gonzo is definitely domineering of Evee – this is normal for a male and female dragon.

Soon after receiving them, I separated them, but not soon enough. Poor Evee somehow received a fracture to the right side of her jaw and it became infected. I didn’t realize this until the infection developed into a lump. After weeks of antibiotics, and losing my Bronco, I got her jaw x-rayed so we could see what was going on. The fracture runs straight through her jaw bone BUT it’s a ‘clean fracture. In other words – if we could get that infection out of there, it should heal on it’s own.

Yesterday Evee went in for surgery to have the abscess debrided (remove the infection). It went AMAZING!!! My vet is a superstar! She never performed this type of surgery before, but she researched it as much as she could before performing it. Last time I saw Evee (this morning before leaving for work) she looked fantastic! She’s investigating, she’s moving around, and she shows no ill effects from the anesthesia. The wound will remain open to heal from the inside out.

I am so happy that we have this silver lining in our clouds. It seems like there has been so much wrong in the world lately – even something as small as a bearded dragon getting healthy makes me smile.

I’ve been so torn up lately with all the negative, it feels good to feel happy.

I will improve my world one step at a time, one creature at a time, one soul at a time. I will enjoy it every moment I am capable of doing so.

Rihanna – Umbrella (Orange Version) ft. Jay-Z


Morning Bells are Ringing or finding the silver lining in the clouds

Weird title, I know. I’ve been trying to get my 4 month old to sleep and singing him “Frère Jaques” and then singing an alternate English version “Brother John”. Problem is that the 14 year old and the 12 year old like to come in and interrupt…a lot. So, my older children are metaphorical morning bells. The last few weeks have been rough, not just for sleep reasons. My older two have had trying times and have been testing the boundaries of what they can and cannot do, and what is legal and not (sigh). My inner sailor is cursing up a storm. My outer mommy is trying to remain calm and collected (I don’t think I’m fooling anyone).

Good days outnumber the bad and enjoying nap time becomes routine not exception. Of course typing one handed while baby sleeps on my lap has it’s challenges, it is peaceful. It’s my silver linning. Even bigger silvef linning is the glass of red wine I usually get at the end of the day. I kid you not. It’s my reward to me for being and doing the best I can.

A game my family sometimes likes to play is ‘what woul you do if you won the lotto?’ It’s fun to dream. Sometimes we all get outrageous with it – my 12 year old wants his own house on ouf property. Sometimes it’s doable if we were able to save up – like travelling. Either way, we enjoy dreaming together. Another silver linning.