So I just watched the Animals video by Maroon 5. As someone who has experienced a mild form of stalking – wow…freaky. I was going to write about something completely different, until I watched it.

Maroon 5 – Animals

“There’s a fine line between support and stalking and let’s all stay on the right side of that.” Joss Whedon

Yes, Joss, there definitely is. When I was in university a friend of mine decided that leaving notes in my car was a great idea. I had NO idea who was doing it. They even talked about how they felt about me, and gave me hints. Problem is that this friend knew more about me than I did about him…the hints were lost to me. I went to university in one city, but worked in a town over at a nightclub. One night after work, there was another note. No one in sight.

I can honestly say I was scared. A mutual friend of this friend knew him better than I did. With her help we figured out who he was. The letters stopped thereafter. Moral of the story –  DON’T BE A DICK STALKER!

Seriously…that should not have to be said.

In case you haven’t guessed, yes I am in a far better mood today. No pity part. I am still in pain from my fall last week. But I have a better general outlook. Mental health. Don’t take it for granted. If you’ve never experienced mental health issues – count yourself very blessed. I count myself lucky…even with the issues I have.

Here’s the goals for the next month:

– do up the meal plans I have been talking about for months FINALLY – more vegetables, more fruit, more fish, less processed crap

– walk a minimum of 10 minutes every day

– walk the dogs a minimum of 3 times a week (I have two 80 lbs dogs {both SPCA specials; a husky shepherd mix and a Rottweiler shepherd mix – we think} and 1 10 lbs cat-dog {a Pomeranian poodle cross}).

– early to bed, early to rise! Get up 1/2 an hour earlier than normal to do YOGA!

I think those are decent goals for the month. Let’s see how I actually do…

On Willpower…

I have the willpower of a bee during pollen season. I want desperately to lose weight. I want to be active, I want to improve my health. I walked to Walmart on my lunch hour which was a great walk; about 20 minutes round trip. I went to purchase some breast pads (yes, I still breastfeed, no I don’t plan to stop until he is about 24 months, yes I love doing it because I couldn’t with my first and it keeps his weight up).

I was only supposed to buy that ONE thing. Damn you chocolate bars by the cash! Damn you insignificant willpower! I bought an Aero bar. It was so good. It was not worth it. My stomach has had horrible heartburn lately. I try to ignore it, but that’s just stupid.

I need to figure out a way to stifle my cravings, kick my ass into active gear, stem the fatigue, and make the brain fog dissipate. Any ideas? What makes you stick to what you need? At 41, I have still not figured it out. That makes me sad and discouraged.

What are my excuses? Why do I fall time and again into impulse buying for cravings? Where is my willpower?

I’m afraid that I am forever doomed to be fat. That’s what I am. I am fat. I used to be tiny. I used to be very active, very strong (a friend used to call me Xena). I want to train myself to be strong and flexible again. The number on the scale is NOT what matters – it’s my physical self that does.

Queen – Fat Bottom Girls: